Recently, a couple friendships that had played a central role in my life for many years reached their ending, and sometimes it really aches. I wanted so badly for the friendships to be healthy, but they just weren't, and I had to walk away. I learned a difficult lesson as I said goodbye: Someone can be important and matter without it being healthy and growing.
I remember one day, about a week later, sitting in front of my computer trying not to cry. I decided to write myself a letter in that moment. It would have been so easy to mirror the toxic inner dialogue, the one that was saying, "You shouldn't hurt. You know it was the right decision."
Instead, though, I chose compassion. I wrote myself a love letter. I told myself the things I most needed to hear. True things, but compassionate things. And in doing so, I began to heal.
The letter began, "Hey you. It's okay to be hurt. It's okay to grieve the fact that people you love didn't love you enough to prioritize your safety."
I realized, as I typed those words, how much I needed to hear them. I thought if I was kind enough, tried hard enough, gave enough of myself, was genuine enough, that people would be the same in return. Sometimes, though, people just aren't. Maybe their needs are incompatible with your own. Maybe you're both just at different places in your journeys. But you can be kind to yourself.
Today, I want you to write yourself a love letter. Think about a place inside that is aching, and approach it with curiosity. Listen to your inner dialogue, then change it to a written narrative of love.
It is okay to feel. It is okay to grieve. It is okay to hurt. And it's also okay to begin to heal.
