Sometimes walking away is the most courageous thing you can do.
Over the last two months, I've walked away from some of the most significant relationships of my life. So many of the people I was building my future around are gone from that future, and sometimes the ache in my chest is so strong it feels like I've been hollowed out. Even in those moments that double me over with heartache, though, I'm still fiercely grateful I had the courage to walk away.
There were so many months of sobbing in my room, terrified and aching and feeling desperately alone before these past two months of goodbyes. So many days and nights in doctors offices and hospitals. But what I remember most clearly of those months is the fear that there would be nothing left if I walked away. No friends, and no future. No me.
What I found on the other side of goodbye, though, was something so much different. I found possibility and light. I found joy and strength. I found an uncharted wilderness of opportunity to create a future I wanted to live in, rather than a steady march of survival through a parade of longest nights. More than anything, I found myself.
When I said the painful goodbyes, I didn't walk away from the future. I stepped into it fully for the first time. Because every one of those goodbyes was also a hello. To possibility. To hope. To asserting my own worth. And every closed door also opened space in my life for new things: joy, growth, and intentionality.
With a loving heart and strong boundaries, I design my future each day. And every time that pain strikes, I look forward, and smile.